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  Forest Jokes
  Please share any jokes that you know! Send them to

A traditional meteorological system:

Place a clean rock outside the tent. When you wake up the morning, check the rock. Here are the indications you might see about how your day is going to be:

Dry rock - sunny

Wet rock - rainy

White rock - snowing

Missing rock - tornado!

o    o    o

The History of Medicine:

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen.  Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic.

2001 A.D. - That antibiotic doesn't work anymore.  Here, EAT THIS ROOT.

o    o    o

A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone.  But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.

The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at it. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.” The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber."  The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road.  He points at another tree through the passenger door window. and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class. "It's a Douglas fir and has 690 board feet." says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed.The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!

One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?"  Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A yellow cedar, 242 board feet." The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office.  He's a little peeved because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree." The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states, cocksure. The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?"The Newfie looks down at his feet, and replies, "Cuz someone took a poop behind it."

He got the job.

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A mushroom walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "No you can't have a drink cuz we don't serve mushrooms here!" The mushroom continues to plead his case. He says, "Aww, please, just one drink. I promise I won't cause any trouble." The bartender looks at him suspiciously. The mushroom says, "Aww, come on. You can give me a drink. I won't cause any trouble, cuz I'm a Fungi."

  Forestry Fun Page (Forestry Research Partnership)
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